marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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