So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
