She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I don't deserve a penis
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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