i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Randomize
