Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
