A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
