You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
