I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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