forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
