So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
