My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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