Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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