I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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