yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
