Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
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