He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
cat food counts as protein by the way
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
When did angry sex become our thing?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
