Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Throwing up while listening to NPR because Iām trying to adult through this hangover
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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