i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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