I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
