I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
PANTIES FOUND
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