yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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