i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
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