thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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