It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
