i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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