Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
