This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize