R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
