Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Randomize
