just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
