i think my mom watched the whole time
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You're like the curious george of whores
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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