I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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