dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
