My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
