I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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