Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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