Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
