At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
