OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
