I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
