shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
