it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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