i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
