Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
