Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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