I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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