Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
