she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
