Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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