Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
The Olympian is in my bed
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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