Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
